“Sometimes your greatest testimony is that you went through the fires of life and did not come out smelling like smoke.” – Tony Warrick
Love, an addiction to suffering.
Ahhh Life! you probably thought this was all about relationships and you are right! It’s all about that. A mighty powerful influence upon a person’s identity and viewpoints if you are not vigilant. I would like to paint this as flowers and babies smiling, but the truth sometimes is that… “Life will kick and bite depending on perspective and especially if external experiences define our identity.”
Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head
I have finally grasped that a willingness to unlearn and forgive is key to healing self. This becoming whole, healing shit, and working at being emotionally independent is no easy task. Nevertheless, relationship(s) is the car we ride into living fully. The conclusion of a year-long, very karmic learning lesson ended recently.
Listen here: Neva ignore this B*tch!! The light bulbs consistently came on, and the red flags continuously unfurled. Still, I ignored my better (higher) mind. It was like the slap in the movie “Moonstruck,” I needed to snap out of it. I had an inkling of the purpose and importance of the relationship, but the magnitude of influence on my sense of personal power, self-esteem, and addiction to suffering was an unknown quantity.
Illusions, Fantasies, and Projections
I saw myself and was brought face to face with how I was showing up in my personal relationships…powerless and inauthentic. I hadn’t accepted who I have been and still saw love as suffering, a battle manufactured in the present because of unbelief. Very subtly and not-so-subtly, I saw I was still perpetuating victimhood even as someone more aware. I had no choice but to ride this train or see this station again.
Revisiting a Life Course
While I have learned to welcome lessons as lessons, I did not feel a do-over on a lesson that took 19 years to complete. I was taking the final exam and it was clutch time. Confronted with me, I had to release the past, forgive everyone (myself included), and choose to love. I dove in and leaned into something bigger than me. I finally spoke my truth with voice shaking, claimed my own power, and cut the energetic cords on self-inflicted toxicity.
Me now with that Smile like the 12-year-old girl in the photo.
I saw this the other day and it says succinctly what I desire…“Authentic, Aligned, and Content.”
I can soooo get with it! How about you?
Cosmic Love, Stay Golden 💃afm/NdrB